twenty ten

was one hell of a year. and it was a-fuckin'-mazing.

1

"Little Sinclair, listen: I will have to go

away. Perhaps you 'll need me again sometime,

against Kromer or something. If you call

me then I won't come crudely,

on horseback or by train. You'll have

to listen within yourself, then you will notice

that I am within you."

Hesse's Demain

islands and cities

this show

its official.

nothing in my normal life sounds as cool anymore.

not without a british accent.

saturday.

my room is disgusting.

literally. disgusting.


i've been awake since seven this morning.
and when i woke up i thought, "i have to pee"
and after that extraordinary event i assumed it would be best to clean my room.


but instead i climbed back into bed and read hyperbole and a half for about two hours.

i have never felt so close to my age.

5

(i'm sick of wishing)

moth's wings

"Dear friend, as you know
Your flowers are withering,
Your mother's gone insane,
Your leaves have drifted away,
But the clouds are clearing up,
And I've come reveling,
Burning incandescently,
Like a bastard on the burning sea.
You're just like your father,
Buried deep under the water.
You're resting on your laurels
And stepping on my toes."


she bears great comparison to man's best friend when described in one hundred eighty words or less.

from heartbreak breeds creation

So much beauty for one song.
So much beauty for one day.

"I know you’re a serious lady
Living off a teacup full of cherries

Take a bath and get high through an apple
Wanted to cry but you can’t when you’re laughin’

You’re so far around the bend

I’ll run through a thousand parties
I’ve run through a million bars

You’ve been humming in a daze forever
Praying for Pavement to get back together

Nobody knows where you are living
Nobody knows where you are"

The National-"So Far Around The Bend"

It's odd to watch others go through the phases you went through already.

j'taime

adorable weddings.

children's books.

her.

him.

everything about this picture.

the moon is a friend for the lonesome

Often times I ask people how their day went,
or how they are feeling,

and they carry on, explaining their ordeals and conquests to me,

and I stare into their eyes until they notice they didn't even think to ask about me.

nope.

i was wrong,
you were right.
that's just the way it goes every once and awhile.

let me be young, let me stay please

let me stay like this.

Assuming nobody reads this (actually, knowing that nobody reads this) I would like to admit something bigger than I have ever admitted out loud. Sure the fact that I'm typing this to the theoretical more than to any physical person in particular makes this no courageous act. And realizing that I am coming off f a brutal high from just watching "Easy A" with Emma Stone (of whom, I am also debating dying my hair very much like). I would like to announce that I think I like a boy.

"Ha!" you say, "Nonsense" you scream...alas...it is true, and I'm sure quite a relief to my mother, my boss and my few best friends. Some of whom were beginning to think me either a lesbian or a nun (though if I were to become either I would do so in full Winona Ryder fashion).

Though its hard to believe, and as I will more that likely deny it tomorrow, I enjoy the company, even if it be a few minutes in passing, of a young man who enjoys reading Kerouac and Hesse. Odd, no? As I tend to go for...well...actually, I really don't have a type, but I do recognize that the boys I am interested in never capture my interest so fully when I am around them.

What to do? What to do?

If anyone actually reads this I will be even more confused with my situation, as it will be fun to entertain the thought of people reading my inner, well, thoughts, I will also being brutally devastated of the fact that someone other than my two best friends know I have legitimate feelings for something other than Demain or Bruce Springsteen on the live version of "I'm On Fire".

And if any lovely young men happen to comprehend any of my oh-so enticing references I encourage you to comment away.

'tis no one

Tallest Man On Earth.

http://blog.henrymiller.org/


...i wrote the review. eee.

august always looks like it's spelled wrong

14th and 15th
Outside Lands

edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros

kings of leon

the strokes

the whigs

phoenix

26th
TWENTY ONE BITCHES

28th and 29th

Birthday concert numero uno with mum

Melissa Ethridge

1st (technically september...but...)
Birthday concert numero dos with the monica

Jenny FUCKING Lewis

oh, august, please don't let me down.

the most

beautiful song.

"while you were sleeping
the babies grew
the stars shined and the shadows moved
time flew, the phone rang
there was a silence when the kitchen sang
its songs competed like kids for space
we stared for hours in our maker's face
they gave us picks
said go mine the sun
and gold and come back when you're done
while you were sleeping
you tossed, you turned
you rolled your eyes as the world burned
the heavens fell, the earth quaked
i thought you must be, but you weren't awake
no, you were sleeping
you ignored the sun
you grew your power garden
for your little ones
and you found brides for them on christmas eve
they hung young cain from the adam trees
and danced
while you were sleeping
i tossed and i turned
til i closed my eyes
but the future burned
through the planet turned a hair gray
as i relived the day
while you were sleeping
the money died
machines were harmless and the earth sighed
through the wind you slept sound
and gravity caught my love around
the ocean rose, sang about decay
while witches flew
and the mermaids stayed
full of dreams, you overslept
and keeping with quiet, through the walls i crept
i walked on tiptoe,
sent darkness swirling over all the kitchen in the early morning
i'll never catch up to you
who sleeps so sound
my arms are useless
my heart beats too loud to go to sleep
my mind's too crowded
while you were sleeping
the time changed
all your things were rearranged
your vampire mirrors face to face
they saw forever out into space
and found you dreaming in black and white
while it rained in all the colors of the night
i watched the tvs
memories
championships
vanished to sea
could it be, my honey between you and me
so i waited for the riddled sky
to dissolve again by sunrise
and i've made a death suit for life
for my father's ill widowed wife
did you have that strangest dream before you woke
cos in your gown you had the butterfly stroke
did it escape you like some half told joke?
when you reached for your plume of smoke"

Heard Somebody Say

To the admirers of the places where secrets are born.
To the loves lost and kisses missed on the lips that you touched.
To the lullabies sung near empty flower beds.
To caffeine buzzing in half empty heads.



I need new inspiration.

Summer Dahlin'

I would like to hope this summer will bring me

time to read

a new tattoo

outside lands

a view

and beautiful company

oh, my talking bird.

When I was young I wanted to be an ornithologist.

I went to this camp in the valley from age 10 to 11 and every time I went we had this section where we went to the Ventana Wildlife Preserve and had a lecture on the types of birds they catalogued. One of the weeks we went they explained how they caught the birds with a thinner than tissue paper net they strung accross two trees and the checked it every ten minutes. When the little man was explaining it he exclaimed it was time to check it so he asked us to join him. In the net there was a teeny-tiny, as big as the palm of your hand, Northern Pygmy Owl. And I wanted to be an Ornithologist.

weekend

my friends are more amazing than yours. especially when thrown into the city.

This Week

will be quite something.
Wednesday=EMILY JANE WHITE

Thursday=The AMAZING Moni Helmick's Birthday (and too many rich politicians)

Friday=well, nothing...but
Saturday=ZOOEY DESCHANEL AND M.WARD
Sunday=Finals Prep!

but alas...SUMMER is on the horizon

4

Obviously it doesn't always turn out like it's suppose to.
So why care so much?
Why did she think she could stop being who she had been for so many, many years?

Scholarship

I haven't posted on this for quite a while, but perhaps this post is somewhat necessary seeing it is the only adequate space (besides to Monica and my Mum) where I can boast about the fact that I WON A SCHOLARSHIP that I didn't even apply for.
I received this invitation in the mail a few days ago inviting me to an award and scholarship ceremony for the school and I threw it out because I assumed I was only invited and not NOMINATED. I got a call the next day telling me that I had won a scholarship and that I had to attend the ceremony to find out which one I had won.
It turned out that I was chosen for the MPC Foundation Faculty Designated Scholarship in the Social Sciences and I was actually nominated by professors in the Social Science department. My absolute favourite professor presented me with my scholarship and it was REALLY AWESOME.
I feel like such a little child explaining this all to you (whoever you are) but, as you can tell by my periodic and sporadic capitalization, I am QUITE EXCITED.
Also because it'll look pretty badass on my Anthropology resume.

awesome

THIS IS ADORABLE.

and I plan on taking his advice and looking at the awesome-ness in the world.
I've said it before, but this time it will, it will, it will stick.

weekend

Let's hope some good comes out of it.

3

Sometimes I just feel like yelling at people

and saying "Suck it up".

Spring

I love you. Even though I'll be stuck here for most of your visit.

My Kind of Sunday

Oh Sunday! How you build me up or break me down, yet I stay so very loyal!

Today was favourite things filled. Unlike Thursday thru Yesterday. Which was nice enough to throw me for the biggest loop yet.

But why dwell on the negative.
Herman Hesse.
Sparkling lemonade.
Book store conversations.
Sun-shiney lawn.
Many, many coffee dates.
Bob Dylan.


Lets hope for a week just a bit as good as this afternoon.

Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year

"Its odd how I already dont feel like I am not enough of anything, and yet the universe keeps having to remind me."

One of them days, thats for sure.

2

"If you're not making mistakes, you're not doing anything"
-Susan Sarandon